My Book

‘A genuinely laugh out loud book’ that starts with a big bang…actually it starts with THE Big Bang. It’s a unique blend of humour, fantasy and history – think Terry Pratchett meets Douglas Adams and you’ll get the general idea. From His Perspective is the story of The Boss and his hapless PA, Norbert, who work together, with their team, overseeing the Factory, better known to us as Planet Earth.

To read an exert click here

From His Perspective started out as a short story on my blog and turned into an 80,000 word novel. Here’s where it all began:

How much time do you spend thinking about your place on this Earth and what the Universe has in store for you? Do you worry about whether or not you are fulfilling your purpose or even your potential? Do you know, just know, that you were put here for a reason and are desperately searching for that reason so that you will eventually be able to leave this thing we call life without regret?

In my mind (a strange place to be at the best of times) it goes something like this:

“Boss, you really need to stop beating yourself up over this”

“I know, I know but everything just seems to be going tits up and it was all so perfect in the beginning”

Employee of the month“Yeah, to be honest I’ve thought about it and I’m not sure what went wrong but you can’t blame yourself, I mean, look how well it worked out for the amoebas – one minute a mindless blob and the next they’re out of the sea and up on two legs; brilliant bit of engineering that was boss”

“Do you think I over reached myself? Is that it? I was just getting so good at creating the thoughts and emotions…….that’s my favourite bit to be honest but maybe I just got carried away”

“Weeeellllllll, maybe you just over-loaded them a bit; the machinery is pretty basic still. Let’s face it we haven’t done a lot of work on the design front over the last few millennia; perhaps we could revisit the idea of a limiter, stop the buggers thinking so much”

“But they’re good at the thinking, some of them have come up with some great stuff over the years……well a few of them at least. Do you think it was a good idea to add essence of sheep in the initial planning stages? Perhaps that’s where I went wrong….”

“Boss, we’ve talked about this; there’s so many of them now, if we didn’t have a bit of sheep in the mix they’d be all over the place”

“Perhaps I should have stuck with just the two but it was just so much fun”

“Now don’t start thinking like that guv. For the most past it’s worked out pretty well, better than the whole dinosaur fiasco anyway; do you remember that one? I thought we’d never get the mess cleared up”

“Don’t remind me! Lucky they were only a prototype! The thing is, I just don’t get this lot, it doesn’t matter what interference I run they seem to be stuck in some sort of loop”


“Yes, you remember, when I put together those specials: Jesus, Mohammed,  Buddha and the others…oh come on you must remember, I spent ages on that design, really put my all into them”

“Oh yes, yes I’ve got it now………whatever happened to them? Did you bring them back to the workshop?”

Buddhist monk“I might have missed on or two I can’t remember, that’s not the point, but I had to didn’t I, no choice, it really pissed me off though I can tell you. All that work, all that effort for nothing”

“Oh come on now boss, it wasn’t for nothing, they’re still talked about now”

“Talked about?? I wouldn’t mind if they were talked about but nooooooo, like everything else down there, you try and do something nice for them and they start a scrap about it or they keep asking bloody questions all the time and that starts another scrap. It really gets on my pip”

tsunami“Well, what are you going to do about it boss? It’s not like you haven’t given them enough warnings over the years is it…..we ran out of plagues donkeys yonks ago because of this lot, there’s no more in stock. We could send another tsunami or an earthquake I suppose but then that just wrecks the factory and they’ve made enough of a mess of that without us making it worse”

“Perhaps I should just tell them………..if they knew do you reckon they’d just stop all this nonsense and get on with each other?”

“I don’t know boss, it’s a bit drastic……..they seem to think it’s all so important”

“Well, I can’t see that I can do anything else. The factory is great (my best work ever I reckon) and I’ve actually got quite fond of them to be honest even if they are a pain in the arse most of the time”

“Well, if that’s what you think, go for it but it might upset them”

“What more than they are already you mean?”

“Well, they all seem to think that they’re really important, you know, like they’ve got some sort of grand purpose. This could blow their minds, literally if we didn’t fix that wiring problem”

“Well I don’t know where they got that idea from, certainly not from me I…..did you see that……another one of those bloody bombs going off wrecking my factory. Oi! Pack it in!”

“Yes boss I saw it but…..”

“Ok, that’s it, enough is enough, set up the sound system”


“Right that ought to do it, let’s go and have a cup of tea”

%d bloggers like this: